Inpulsive. Adjective. Acting or done without forethought.
I’m impulsive. I make decisions quickly, without thinking. I lie to myself to validate these decisions, to make them fit my narrative. When I was a child, it was a sparkly pair of shoes, the last pair on the shelf! Two sizes too small. I would look my mom right in the eye and tell her they fit perfectly! It was fine! They would stretch out! I would eventually talk her down and she would buy them for me. A week later, I would be crying about blisters and how much my feet hurt. The older I got, the bigger the lie. A pretty car or shopping spree I couldn’t afford. A pretty boy I knew would break my heart. It was all fine. I lie and lie and lie to myself until I’m convinced it’s the right thing to do. It’s almost as if I’m addicted. But, there’s no rehab for bad decisions. This is life.